19 January 2012


It didn't take long for me to settle into Dad's place. After all, it's the same home I grew up in. I never thought, in a million years that I would end up back there. Actually I did think it. More like I had nightmares about it. I still do.

Here I was, about to turn 33 and I was living back home with my dad and nothing to show for my life. I was sinking into a deep depression. I felt the worst about what I was doing to my kitty cats, Elton & Johnny. They went from having a whole apartment to themselves, to having to share everything with my dad's 5 cats. I could tell they wanted out of there as much as I did. I felt like such a loser.

I still tried, day after day, to find a job only eventually giving up. Not finding work was just depressing me even more. With my dad controlling my life now, I couldn't stay up late and had to get up early every morning, because that was his schedule and my sleeping in late was ruining his daily routine of doing, um, stuff. I was tasked with cleaning every day. If there is one thing you seriously need to know about me, I HATE CLEANING! I hate it more than flesh eating spiders! Okay, maybe not that badly, but I do hate it. I have to be in the mood to clean, for instance, if I'm watching Hoarders, I get the urge to clean for some reason.

My daily routine was get up, go outside to smoke a ciggie (yes, outside and it sucked) sweep the upstairs and the stairs, and every other day, mop and dust. How did I survive this nightmare of suck? I. Have. No. Idea. I tried to twitter as much as I could, and I think that gave me some sanity. But as a form of punishment, my dad cancelled the internet service. See, that which he does not understand, ie: computers, he finds threatening. Since he had no idea what I would be doing on my laptop all afternoon, he thought I was doing something "bad" or "wrong."

Without an internet connection, I had an excuse to leave the house and go to the library. Only the connection at the library was seriously restricted. I couldn't use facebook and had a hard time getting my twitter to work. That defeated the whole purpose of me wanting the internet. SHIT!!!

#lostwithouttwitter #nohope

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