19 January 2012


I was still living with Dad, and still attending my friend's kid's football games. I even bought a new car. A little bit sooner than I had planned, but it worked out. Something was still missing. I wanted some kind of relationship.

In November 2010, I reconnected with N. I had met him a few years earlier at physical therapy and we just sort of drifted apart. Nothing major. Now that I had the internet back, I was always looking for something to get into. On Veteran's Day, I found that something. Little did I know how wrong it would be.

I hung out with N that night and we went to a few places, drinking many beers and getting free dinners. It was a fun time, I'm not gonna lie. I started hanging out with him more and more, sleeping over at his place, spending MY money. He didn't have a job either, so we could sleep all afternoon and drink all night.

The more I stayed with N, the more upset dad got. He finally told me to get my shit and get out of his house. That was fine, I would just stay with N, until we found a place together. We weren't intimate, just friends, but I still thought of him as my boyfriend. I guess in girl world that doesn't seem as ridiculous as it sounds.

He and I shared one major thing in common, back pain. He introduced me to pain medication and anti-anxiety medication. Holy shit! This stuff was awesome! I finally felt good, and normal! Why wouldn't my doctor prescribe this to me? Oh yeah, because I didn't have insurance and the VA was my primary care provider.

In December, we were given* (for $100) the name and address of a pain clinic that accepted new, out of state patients without a referral. This place was in Georgia. So one day, we packed up and drove there. The process took all day, but I was finally seen and given the prescriptions we drove down there for. Finding a pharmacy to fill the prescriptions, on the other hand, was a complete bitch! Apparently this "pain clinic" was a joke and the "doctor" was being investigated by the DEA. Well fucking fab!

After finally finding a few different locations to get my meds filled, we were broke. I mean, I was broke. (he never had any money.) He was able to make friends with a couple from the pain clinic and they let us stay in their hotel room with them. The next day, N sold some of my meds to the nice couple for travel money and I pawned some of my jewelry for the rest to get us back home.

When we got back to his place, he started selling more of my medication. His grandmother didn't like what was going on and they argued and he and I left. We got a hotel room for a few days, just down the street.

He kept doing what he was doing and I just kind of sat by and watched. He fronted one guy, D, a few pain pills, only he never paid up. I was tasked to call and threaten him, by saying I would let the police know about his hit and run earlier that day. This was all going wrong.

D came by the room earlier to leave his CD collection as collateral until he could come up with the money he owed us. N & I agreed to never let him in the room again. We met him outside to get his CDs, then he came by later and knocked on our hotel room door. I was in the bathroom at the time, or I would have answered the door. Instead, N answered the door and things got raw.

I just finished washing my hands, when I opened the bathroom door and a gun was pointed at my face. I was ordered to strip, put my clothes back on, then to get out of the bathroom and in the main room with everyone else. Everyone else included myself, N, his friend J, D and two masked men, one wielding a gun. The two masked men made everyone, except D, undress and give them our cell phones. They shouted they wanted our money and our drugs. The only drugs I had possession of were what I refer to as my "crazy pills" and they took most of those, along with my laptop, cellphone and purse, which I tried to fight them for. (Hey, it's a gal's purse. Do not fuck with a chick and her purse! ) But I let go and they ran off. I called the police, then ran after them. I know it's crazy, but I wanted to see if they were on foot or in a getaway car. Anything I could give the police.

I ran into one of the hotel clerks out back in the parking lot and she said she didn't see or hear anything. I walked around front and met a slew of local police officers. I talked to a few and described what went on. While giving my statement, I realized I couldn't say N was selling my meds, because, well that's illegal, and I didn't want him to go to jail so I made something up.

The police all left, eventually and we went to sleep. The next day I had to borrow N's car so I could drive to my dad's and pick up a spare key to my car, and a spare purse. Since I always clip my keys to my purse, when the robbers took my purse, they took my car keys as well. While I was out, I got a replacement phone and tried calling the room the entire time I was on my way back, but the line was busy. I was trying to tell N, he should get our things and get out of the room.

He was still on the phone when I got back to the room, talking to the police about the robbery. Not long after he hung up, there was a knock at the door and it was the police. This time, they were there to arrest N, for some outstanding warrant or fine or something. I have no idea. They took him away, and there I was, lonely, scared, broken and broke. How did this happen? How did I let my life get so out of control? I was such an idiot!

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