12 April 2009

27 Aug 07 - Got Brain Damage?

Not this past weekend, but the weekend before that, I went to Richmond and hung out with some mofo at a bar and listend to a good cover band.  On the way back, yes I'd have a few, okay more than a few, but as I do when I'm a passenger in a car, I was reading street signs.  When we drove past one, I saw "Got Brain Damage?"  I was like "What?"

Well I started my new job the monday after and just so happened to drive by that same sign on my way in.  I noticed that it did NOT say "Got BRAIN Damage," but it actually said, "Got HAIL Damage?"  Clearly I am the one with brain damage to think that HAIL spells BRAIN.  It was quite funny at the time.

So Monday, I got to work and we had orientation for all the new people starting in the different areas, which lasted about 2 hours.  We were done for the day and our group was told to come back on Wednesday.  Sweet!  All that hard work and a day off!

Wednesday morning I got there bright and early, cuz we're sposed to, but I wasn't as early as everyone else cuz the room was already almost full by the time I got there.

Nineteen of us, plus our leader, were crammed in a tiny room around the size of a master bedroom in a normal sized house.  Only half of the computers in the room worked, and it was hot.  Talk about suckage.  All day we got read to and got to take notes.  By the end of the day my hand cramped from all the writing.

The next day is where things get good.  See, on the real second day of hanging out with the same people, you start to take notice of those people, what they do and what they say. 

There is one girl, she's only a few month's preggers, but looks like she's in her second trimester.  I think she's just a fatty.  She is also a smoker.  That pisses me of more than anything because she's not even trying to quit!  Every break she's lighting up.

Also, she was late coming back from break and made a comment about it, saying something about, "but I had to doody real bad."  Um, ew.  Seriously?  Out of all the words from the dictionary to select from to describe that you had to use the restroom, you choose "doody?"  Wow.  Later, I hear her curse her computer by saying again, "aww doody!"  I have no words for you, you large waste of space.

Now, the second day, I got to sit at a computer, and had a few different people sitting around me.  This was made evident by the continuous smell of shit in the air.  Yes.  It smelled of shit.  And baby powder.  I am still unsure if it was doody lady, or if it was Shaniqua sitting next to me.  Whoever it was, it was fucking foul!

Now, on our first day, we were told that if we fell asleep, we'd be fired.  Well, on our second day of training, Shaniqua and her shit smelling ass kept falling asleep, and doody woman kept scrolling her screen down to make it look like girl was paying attention.  Of course, I took it upon myself to let the instructor know during break, that Shaniqua was falling asleep.  A lot.  He kept trying to watch her, but she was never caught.  Damn.  One day.  Maybe.

Not that I want to get people fired, but I'm really just helping weed out the useless fucks in the class. 

Talk about some worthless idiots! OMG!!!  These are the dumbest people ever!  They are always asking questions that have NOTHING to do what we are learning!  Seriously.  Shut the fuck up.  They are the reason we take 5 hours to go over one section.  Then they don't pay attention.  Someone asked a question two days after someone previously had asked the same damn question.  Holy piss, morons!

If I'm describing to you how to put an engine together on a car, don't ask me what my worst speeding ticket was!  No relevance!! 

There are a couple of cool people in the class.  They seem smart and together.  About 5 actually.  The rest are fucking idiots.

Oh, one guy!  Oh man, this guy.  This guy and his teeth.  YIKES!!!!  For serious.  I have never seen things in a person's mouth so far away from resembling teeth than that in this guy's mouth.  He's got two big, whitish front teeth, that remind me of the briar rabbit.  The rest of the crap, I have no idea.  It's all blackish and rotted, and I can't even bring myself to take a closer, longer look.  Seriously, I tried, but started to vomit.  This guy always smells like a big dirty ashtray too.

I don't even want to get started on Grandma, Limpy and A.D.D.  Good lawd!  Grandma just got 21 teeth pulled and cut out.  How do I know?  The first three days, she made it a point to tell everyone this fact.  She is also suffering from hot flashes, panic attacks, and high blood pressure, because she talks loudly and likes to submit very personal details to a group of people of whom she does not know.

Limpy, limpster, she's just annoying.  Oh good night!  She got on my nerves from day 1.  Always making cutsie remarks and chiming in at all the wrong moments, trying to become funny and the pet.  Oh honey, good luck, but you're just pissing people off.  She's got a boot on one of her legs, probably from when her husband tried to break her ankle or something, trying to get her to shut up.

A.D.D. is just some kind of stupid.  She's really cute and very dumb.  On the first day she announced that she has ADD, and has evidentally made zero effort to work with her doctor to get this under control because she is alway lost, can never wait for break and won't sit still.  I think it's a fucking show and she needs to sit her ass down and pay attention.

I mean, seriously.  I was diagnosed with adult ADHD, and worked with a psychiatrist to cope, and work through the problem.  This bitch ain't trying.  If she is, my ass is shiny and I shit golden eggs.

Well those three seem to be bff and alway have to sit next to one another.  They are the chattyest hens in the coop.  I keep trying to get a good seat, but because of my learning situation, I seat myself in the front of the class, near the instructor, and crazy, smelly, retards seem to follow.  Fuck!

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