12 April 2009


Okay, so I'm kind of a joiner.  Well, when I see other people doing something that is a good idea, I like to steal their idea and claim it as my own as if I had no idea others were doing this as well.  Seriously? 

So much has happened in these past 12 months, where do I begin?  Oh yeah, I guess the beginning huh?  Shut up!

I was browsing over some of my blogs from this past year to remind me of all the shit I've gone through, as well as the couple of good times I had.  I want to remember the good times so much more than the bad.

January started out kind of slow and shitty.  I was so busy at work I hardly took care of myself or my car, and both suffered.  I don't think I've ever been as sick as I was this past year, and my poor car went through hell until her untimely death in April.  God, rest her soul.  She was a great car.  The first new car I had ever owned.

I started blogging more, and a bit more in depth.  My blogs started attracting readers.  Maybe it was my semi nude picture that attracted them first?  Either way, I gained readers, and my readers inspired me to blog more.  With more readers, I felt the need to write, and I wanted to.  I needed to. 

See, I am not someone with many friends.  I suppose I am the "Sami Brady" of blogging.  Not that I manipulate others, or blackmail anyone, I just don't have many real life friends because I'm a difficult person to get along with.  I accept that, and I love who I am, so fuck those who don't like me. 

By expanding my blogging, I felt like my friends were growing, I was actually talking to more and more people.  I had a supportive network of a variety of people, most of whom I've never met, that I considered friends.  Whether we agree or agree to disagree, I love all of my readers and am thankful that you somehow stumbled upon my blogs.

I met some wonderful MySpacers because of the blogging community.  We had some great times together and each one holds a special place in my heart.

In spite of being a bitch, I tend to actually care very deeply for those who impact my life.  I sometimes consider this a flaw because I always get my heart broken.  Things were no different in 2006.  Though I dated quite a few guys, I only fell in love with one.  I have accepted the harsh reality of life and how things will be, but that doesn't make the pain any duller.

So I continue to live life, day by day, trying not to remember how much it sucks to be alone, preparing for my next relationship let down. 

In the beginning of the year I took up drinking to control my thinking problem and even blogged about it.  Since that seemed like a good idea at the time, I will pick up my drinking once again, but only because it sucks to be bored and sober.  Being bored and drunk is much funner!

I endured stress and pain from my shit job and Fortune, and in August I fucking told them to kiss my ass and walked out.  I walked in to a really good job that same day.  I work with some great people and really enjoy this job.  Sure I bitch and complain about it, but who has a job they don't complain about?  Plus, that's just me.  I complain about everything. LOL

I came to an enlightenment this year, emotionally and spiritually.  It's actually helped my stress level go WAY down.  I realized that I don't have the ability to change things beyond my control, and worrying about them is just a silly waste of time that accomplishes nothing.  Sure I still get sad about things, but I don't stress over them like I used to.  Maybe that's good, but maybe it's bad too.

I still work hard to achieve what I can, but if I don't feel there is a point, I just let it go.  I know during my car accident span of time, I stressed a lot of people out because I was so adamantly pressuring people to get things done.  Well, my reason for doing so was to accomplish getting paid and getting a new car, which I did, and I wasn't going to let the insurance company fuck me in the ass.

As for letting things go that aren't worth the trouble, that could be the bad part of this new enlightenment.  I have gone with my gut feelings and so far so good.  There have been a few guys I have let go because we were headed down a one way, dead end street.  Because I felt this, I knew it was right to let it go, and move on to something new.  Hopefully one day I won't be standing in a pile of dog shit in the pouring rain, without an umbrella, wearing a white top, with my keys locked in the car and the only person that is around to help me just happens to be that guy whom I let go, proving me wrong on the decisions I've made. 

Being reunited with my dad later this year was nice.  I am still trying to like him more and more, but sometimes he still does things that get on my nerves.  That's what parents do though, right?  He seems to know the boundaries between him and I, and has been careful not to cross them, and I applaude his effort.

All in all, this wasn't a horrible year, but it most definately wasn't great either.  I have made some really great friends to replace the ones I've lost touch with, but each person has left a lasting impression with me.

As this year comes to a close, I bit it fucking adieu.  Two thousand and six brought me happiness and pain, gave me friendships and took them away, but through it all I had you.  Yes you.  The reader.  Thank you. 

Thank you for sticking with me through the good blogs and the shitty ones.  Thank you for cheering me up when I needed it the most.  You crazy lot are my friends, and I love you for being here.  Your words are real, and so am I and I appreciate the fact that we can connect as real people, even though we may never meet and we all live so far away.  Holy fuck, now I'm starting to sound as coherant as Lindsay Lohan, so I'll stop now.

Wishing you all the best in 2007!

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